Can someone tell me what they think of my first song?

It's good :D It's a little intense and graphic but if you keep working on it i think you have a shot to maybe publish it or sell it. You could probably get away with it as a poem type if you don't have the music or the beat for it. Maybe you could record a demo of you or a friend singing it and send it to the record company, "Fueled By Ramen" It a company that produces a lot of Alternative, Rock, Punk, Emo bands. I don't know everyone they produce but i know they produce Panic! at the disco, Paramore, Fall out boy, and Good Charlotte i think. Well i like the song and I truely wish you the best of luck :) <3